They Matter

My name is Alyvia. I lost my twins at 9 weeks, my mom at 61 years old, and my daughter at 38 1/2 weeks. All of these deaths happened within 18 months time. All of these circumstances have changed me, because all of these PEOPLE matter. Yes, I said people. My twins were people at only 9 weeks of gestation, as much as my mom was at 61 years of her vibrant life.

THEY MATTER.

Their lives all meant something and continue to mean something, not just to me, but to everyone I know as well.

Recently, you might have heard that the Return to Zero film is not making much progress among the Hollywood execs because it “doesn’t affect most people”. Well, I beg to differ Mr. Hollywood exec. So LISTEN UP Mr. Hollywood cuz an angry momma bear is about to speak for her cubs and you best not ignore her:

Death affects us ALL. Yes, even baby death. You see we are all a part of this thing call the human race. We all have beating hearts, no matter how big or how small. WE have voices no matter even if some of us can’t physically speak. If you are saying that three of my five children don’t matter cuz they didn’t live very long on this side of my womb, then let me explain to you how much the death of my children has changed not only the life of myself and my husband, but the lives of THOUSANDS of others. After Claudette died, I started a blog. (www.alyviacecile.com) It has touched almost 50,000 people’s lives. Then I was inspired one night by my daughter to start the Kisses for Claudie project wherein there would be 365 random acts of kindness to memorialize her life. Dozens of acts have already been acted out. Yes, just the itty bitty life of my Claudette Elyse changed our world.

I don’t expect you to care about the Kisses for Claudie project or the hundreds of other positive impacts our babies have had on the planet in which you inhabit, but perhaps let me speak in a language you understand: Numbers. More accurately money.

It is estimated that over 26,000 babies died each year from stillbirth alone, that doesn’t include the millions that died from miscarriage or infant death. My husband is the mathmetician but I am smart enough to know that this translates to a lot and a lot of moms. Moms who are grieving. Momma bears who are hurting and angry and want someone or something to cling to. Something to hope for. Oh sorry let me get back to Hollywood speak that “hope” word will translate into “money” for you. See everyone wins.

SO SHOW THIS FILM. Show it for the millions and millions of us mommies who need to see the story played on the big screen because they are too scared to say it out loud for themselves. Show if for the millions and millions of PEOPLE WHOSE LIVES MATTER!

I am a Local Leader

“I will not let the world look at me with pity and think….look what her daughter/son has done to her…..may they instead look at me in awe and think…..look what her daughter/son has helped her become.”  – Sweet Grace Ministries

I have talked a lot lately about wanting to make something out of all of this pain.

There is a film that is, hopefully, coming out soon, but it needs your help.  Take 4 minutes and watch this video… I’ll wait.

I haven’t seen this movie yet, so it is hard to tell you that you have to watch it because it has such great writing or such great performances, but what I can tell you is the message of this movie is amazing.

The heart of this film,  Return to Zero, is quite simply about breaking the silence.

Too many times people are afraid to talk about the loss of a child.  They don’t want to upset anyone.  They don’t want to make those around them sad.  People around them don’t bring it up, because they are afraid of making them remember something that they never could forget in the first place.  This film is about giving people something to talk about.  It’s about telling the real story of what child loss can do to a family, a marriage, a person.  It is about bringing child loss into a format that people are comfortable talking about.

In order for this film to be seen, it needs our help.  I have stepped up to be a local leader.  Part of my job is getting 100 of you to sign a pledge saying that you will go see Return to Zero on opening weekend (no date is currently set – so no excuses).  That’s it.  You don’t have to pledge any money.  You don’t have to do anything other than say, “yes, I will go see this movie.”

This movie has the potential to make a huge impact for our loss community.  It is about breaking the silence of child loss.

If you have lost a child due to miscarriage, still birth, or early infant death – take the pledge.

If you have had the hope of having a child be stolen from you by infertility – take the pledge.

If you have lost a child in anyway, whether they were 5 or 55 – take the pledge.

No parent should ever have to bare the weight of grieving their child alone – take the pledge.

If you have a friend or family member who is without a child today – don’t be afraid to mention their child’s name.  You might bring a tear to their eye, but you will fill their heart with love knowing that they are not in this thing alone.

Take the Pledge.  – If you don’t have a local leader you are supporting you can use my name – Victoria Denney.

When we lost Joshua, it was public.  Everyone knew we were expecting.  Everyone was excited for us.  When he was born the prayers and congratulations came from everywhere, many from people we’ve never even met.  Then two days later, when we had to say goodbye to him, and I was still get texts, messages, voicemails, and emails saying congratulations, I had to make them stop, so we told everyone that we lost him.  It was all very public.  How do you write a Facebook status announcing the death of your child 36 hours after you had just announced his arrival?  It sucked.   But, I suppose this is a sign of our generation.  We are all over Twitter, Facebook, Blogs, and more.  We open up our lives to people that, often, we barely know.  I’ve chosen to bare my heart and my soul through writing on this blog.  I’ve expressed my pain, my frustrations, my grief, my sorrow, my daily struggles, my life to you all.  In doing this, I’ve found that there are so many of you out there that have this same hurt.  After losing Josh, we heard so many of our friends and even some of our family come out with stories of their own losses.  I had friends who had gone through a still birth,  and I didn’t even know about it.

We were blessed to have 36 hours with Joshua breathing with us here on earth. We know not everyone is as lucky. For that reason, I am a local leader. This film, Return to Zero, needs to be seen. Child loss hurts, it shakes your trust and faith in everything, it breaks your heart, and rips the foundation out from beneath your feet. Women and men have been silent for too long about the pain of losing a child by miscarriage, still birth, or early infant death and even the pain and heartbreak of infertility. This film is helping to bring a voice to the sorrow and grief. It needs to be seen.  Please help me break the silence of child loss.

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My name is Victoria and I am head over heals in love with my husband, deeply grieving the loss of our son, and clinging to the Cross with all that I’ve got left. I can be found over at Rooted in Faith.