Originally blogged on Rooted in Faith
May 3rd, 2013.
Back at the end of August last year I had this day pictured so differently when I excitedly added an event to our calendar.
In my mind I pictured a beautiful day. It would be warm and the sun would be shining brightly. I imagined calling Patrick to come home from work, excitedly saying, “it’s time.” I pictured us quickly grabbing cameras and our bags as we called our parents and my sisters and his brother to tell them they were about to be grandparents, aunts and uncles. I planned on seeing the excited nervous anticipation on Patrick’s face as we took one last look around our house knowing this was the last time we would be there as a family of just two. I imagined Patrick carefully and yet quickly driving to the hospital as I breathed through contractions. I expected to see the flurry of activity when we got to the hospital as nurses and doctors prepared to deliver our first born.
I was excited to see the look on Patrick’s face as he met our baby for the first time. I was expecting to have the nurses lay a sweet little baby on my chest as I cried seeing the perfect little person that Patrick and I had created out of so much love. I pictured what the baby would look like. Maybe having Patrick’s eyes and my nose. I would kiss their sweet little head and count fingers and toes.
This day looked so different back on August 25th.
Instead, May 3rd, 2013 was cold. There was snow on our cars, covering the flowers in our yard, and covering the ground where our son is now buried.
This is not how I pictured this day at all…
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For most couples, seeing those two pink lines appear is a time of great joy. You immediately start thinking of what the next 9 months has in store. You pick out names. You read books about what to expect. You buy baby clothes. You plan. What you don’t do is think that those clothes will go unworn. You don’t think that name will become a source of great sorrow. There isn’t a book that you could read that will prepare you for what could happen next. For some of us baby showers give way to funerals. Nurseries remain empty, lullabies go unsung, hearts break, and dreams crumble into a million pieces. For 1 in 4 those two pink lines will cause heartache.
Return to Zero is a movie that we support, because it is a story that we know all too well. I know it will not be easy to watch. It will be painful. It will bring up a lot of feelings that many have buried deep. It will most certainly bring tears. But it will start a conversation. It will give a voice to millions of precious little ones who aren’t here to speak for themselves. This movie has already become so much more than just something to watch on a Saturday night. It has become a movement. It has united moms and dads all around the world who have had to say goodbye to their child in the same moment that they should be saying hello. It has created a community. Supporting this movie is not about supporting Hollywood, it’s about supporting a fellow bereaved parent. It is about supporting your friends and family who have lost a child. It is about giving us a voice. It’s about bringing this long taboo topic into the media and the news. It’s about another parent not feeling alone in their loss. This movie is important in our community. It’s important to me.
Please sign the Pledge and join me in Supporting Return to Zero.
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My name is Victoria and I am head over heals in love with my husband, deeply grieving the loss of our son, and clinging to the Cross with all that I’ve got left. I can be found over at Rooted in Faith.
Return to Zero - Missouri 